I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
