Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
