she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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