I'm gonna have a badass scar
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
