My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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