mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
