Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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