have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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