so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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