I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
