i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
