i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
