$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
