i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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