Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
