dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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