he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Actions speak louder than pants.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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