You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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