I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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