Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
