The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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