just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
