You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
