my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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