I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
