bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
