She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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