I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
