I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
