I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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