okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
