she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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