You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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