Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
