The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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