why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
