she woke up with a sticky ear
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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