You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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