I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
