You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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