I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We need to get me chipped asap
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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