dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
whose parrot is this?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
