I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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