Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
