Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
