Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
