you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Boobs speak an international language.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
