We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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