It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
