Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
