Cold hands, warm shart.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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