Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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